Do not compare your child’s achievements with those of other children

I am sharing one interesting piece of writing from the book –Teach Your Children Well. This book has tons and tons of parenting information. Teachers can also get plenty of good material. The puzzle like why Tashi outperforms Pema in math tests is overly solved through examples and case study. A very book for all of us.

Kids this age are making comparisons in earnest and they make them about everything, most especially academic performance, athletic ability and popularity. This opens the door for a few high-performing kids to feel really good and many more to feel bad.

Teachers and parents both intentionally and unintentionally make comparisons between a child and classmates, siblings, peers and other family members. Your brother got all A’s, why can't you? If you don’t keep up in math, you and your best friend, Tashi, won't be in the same math group anymore.  

Pema and Tshering seem to have such nice friends. Couldn't you try a little harder to be friendlier?

While these kinds of comparisons are hurtful, kids often say they feel the worst when their parents look disappointed, angry or sad. Kids are exquisitely tuned to their parents' emotions and if they are disappointed that your child can't hit all the balls, wasn’t invited to the popular girl's sleepover, or isn't in the top reading group then your look is enough to tell them that they don’t measure up.

When you have just begun the process of learning a world of new things, the best medicine is encouragement and positive reinforcement. Applaud effort and improvement.   

While it's fine to acknowledge that another child excels at something, let your own children know that you love them whether they bat first, fourth or last.

Happy Reading!

How Parents can Help?

I am sharing some excerpts from the book titled –Teach your children well. A most read book worldwide. This book is for all ages -parents, teachers, school counselors, siblings, politicians, law makers, seniors, businessmen and entrepreneurs to know your own child first.

For some moms there is a sense of loss now that their child is out of the house much of the day and increasingly turning to peers for companionship, support and comfort. The secrets and confidences that once were shared between the two of you are now being shared with others and your access to your child's internal life is becoming restricted especially toward the end of elementary school. For other mothers this is a welcome change, allowing them to concentrate more on other siblings, a career, their spouse or themselves. For most of us it's a mixed bag. 

There's the drumbeat of eventual separation at the same time that we are extremely involved in our child's burgeoning desire to explore and be active. There are carpools and new schedules, clubs and teams, parties and sleepovers. Since, we are handing part of our children's lives over to new people and new friends, we want to make sure that they have the skills they need to form healthy, satisfying friendships.

Think back to your own early friendships. Do you still have contact with any of those friends? Do you remember more the close parts of those relationships or the conflicted parts? 

Your attitudes, the pictures you pull out, the stories you tell will affect your own child's view of friendship. Share some of your positive stories with your children. Let them also know of your positive stories with your children. Let them also know that friendship involves cooperation and sometimes even disappointment.

Keep in mind that the rules, expectations and behaviors you endorse when your children are young are being internalized and will serve as a template for how they will approach friendships now and in the future. 

Listen to the voice of a nine-year-old student.

It's easy to make friends unless you do not say hello. To be friends you should not talk about them behind their back. That means, do not talk about someone when they are not with you. Don't say mean things like you are stupid. And you should always smile when you introduce yourself. That is the number one thing. And also you should behave properly –even when you are angry. And never shout at your friend. If you are that angry, go get your mom.

Happy Reading!